darren mackenna. (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
swerve) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
shifted_logs2014-10-23 10:34 pm
swerve) wrote in shifted_logs2014-10-23 10:34 pm
➤ i'm having my doubts.
who; eithan and darren
what; shadows. shadows everywhere.
when; presently.
where; some … where … on the plane. i don't know and i don't care because that isn't exactly the biggest point. |D
warnings; violence. lots of violence. and other triggery things.
( it's almost like he's watching a movie of someone else's life, on the outside looking in, completely displaced from the situation. he wishes he were watching a movie of someone else's life, if only because it would mean that the thing standing in front of him spilling every single one of the secrets he's always been ashamed of for anyone to hear wasn't real, or at the very least, as easily muted as with the push of a button on the remote control.
you try so hard to play at being happy, me. you try so hard, because you're the only one trying at all, and isn't that funny? it is, because you never have been. no matter how much you try to convince yourself that it's okay to be alone, that it doesn't matter because you don't need anybody else on your side – aw, it hurts, doesn't it? not being good enough to even have your own family stay with you?
no, he tries to say, golden eyes that very nearly mirror the shade of yellow boasted by the form in front of him going wide, mouth working to form the simplest of syllables and coming up short. no, i'm not playing at anything, i've worked so hard to get this far without him –
darren's shadow smirks like the edge of a knife, sharp and dangerous, and it rolls its shoulders in a gentle, easy motion that looks far too much like something he himself would have done. then why did he leave? and why have you been trying to convince yourself ever since that it wasn't your fault? you know it was.
he got tired of you. tired of playing big brother to somebody that couldn't even sleep in their own bed by themselves if there was a storm. followed him around everywhere when he didn't want you around – )
No! ( the word finally comes out, and it's barely more than a sob as he covers his face with his hands, vision blurring with tears that scald his cheeks as they fall from the corners of his eyes, his heart wrenching so hard in his chest that the ache of it almost brings him to his knees. ) I – I was good enough! He … he just …
( but that's as far as he gets. )
He's why you constantly validate your self-worth by how much people like you. It's why you try so hard to make them like you – just a lost little puppy, nipping at their heels, yap-yap-yapping and begging them to notice you.
That isn't –
Isn't what?
It isn't true! ( he takes a breath, shuddering and shivering and rattling against his ribs like dry branches knocking against one another in a passing wind, and in front of him, his shadow bends, leans in just a little closer. ) So, what does that mean?
It means you're a liar. You're – I don't – I'm not like that. I'm not.
( that smirk turns double-edged, a piece of razor wire splitting the shadow's face in two right down the middle. ) S'what I thought. Boy, have you got a lot to learn.
what; shadows. shadows everywhere.
when; presently.
where; some … where … on the plane. i don't know and i don't care because that isn't exactly the biggest point. |D
warnings; violence. lots of violence. and other triggery things.
( it's almost like he's watching a movie of someone else's life, on the outside looking in, completely displaced from the situation. he wishes he were watching a movie of someone else's life, if only because it would mean that the thing standing in front of him spilling every single one of the secrets he's always been ashamed of for anyone to hear wasn't real, or at the very least, as easily muted as with the push of a button on the remote control.
you try so hard to play at being happy, me. you try so hard, because you're the only one trying at all, and isn't that funny? it is, because you never have been. no matter how much you try to convince yourself that it's okay to be alone, that it doesn't matter because you don't need anybody else on your side – aw, it hurts, doesn't it? not being good enough to even have your own family stay with you?
no, he tries to say, golden eyes that very nearly mirror the shade of yellow boasted by the form in front of him going wide, mouth working to form the simplest of syllables and coming up short. no, i'm not playing at anything, i've worked so hard to get this far without him –
darren's shadow smirks like the edge of a knife, sharp and dangerous, and it rolls its shoulders in a gentle, easy motion that looks far too much like something he himself would have done. then why did he leave? and why have you been trying to convince yourself ever since that it wasn't your fault? you know it was.
he got tired of you. tired of playing big brother to somebody that couldn't even sleep in their own bed by themselves if there was a storm. followed him around everywhere when he didn't want you around – )
No! ( the word finally comes out, and it's barely more than a sob as he covers his face with his hands, vision blurring with tears that scald his cheeks as they fall from the corners of his eyes, his heart wrenching so hard in his chest that the ache of it almost brings him to his knees. ) I – I was good enough! He … he just …
( but that's as far as he gets. )
He's why you constantly validate your self-worth by how much people like you. It's why you try so hard to make them like you – just a lost little puppy, nipping at their heels, yap-yap-yapping and begging them to notice you.
That isn't –
Isn't what?
It isn't true! ( he takes a breath, shuddering and shivering and rattling against his ribs like dry branches knocking against one another in a passing wind, and in front of him, his shadow bends, leans in just a little closer. ) So, what does that mean?
It means you're a liar. You're – I don't – I'm not like that. I'm not.
( that smirk turns double-edged, a piece of razor wire splitting the shadow's face in two right down the middle. ) S'what I thought. Boy, have you got a lot to learn.
no subject
"Pretty boy"... he quirks both eyebrows, but says nothing, just lets the thing finish. It mentions secrets, guilt, and already, Eithan's starting to feel a little anxious - should he try to stop it from speaking? Should he let Darren handle it himself? What if that's not the right answer? He's just about to make up his mind, to try and interrupt the shadow, but...
Oh. ... About him and Val, huh?
He lets the silence stand. That's a hell of a truth. Not something admitted lightly. And though he may not really understand what exactly this double is, its intentions are cruel, and that's enough to keep Eithan entirely on his guard, no matter how worried he is about that particular little outed secret.
He sighs - the kind of sigh one gives when faced with an ending he should have seen the signs for. He steps just the slightest bit away from Darren, removes his arm from his shoulders and lets it drop beside him... but he only does all that so he can seek out the other's hand, take it in his own, fingers curling around fingers.]
I'm not worried about me. [His voice is soft - firm, and not to be ignored, but far from harsh.] Don't let it get under your skin, yeah? Doesn't matter right now. I'm not goin' anywhere, we'll talk about it later.
[Later, when there's not some yellow-eyed creature staring them down in the meanwhile. He turns his attention back to it.]
Until then, if we've gotta deal with this thing... 's your call. They're your secrets. What should we do?
[We. Not you. He hopes you realize you don't have to do this all alone, and that he'll be here for you till the end of whatever this bullshit is.]
no subject
even if it means that all of his secrets are being laid bare right before him. without even the slightest hint at stopping anytime soon.
his cheeks are burning hotly, both with shame and embarrassment, and he stares at his shadow through the film of tears that blur his vision, feeling so small, so fucking helpless that it's just one more thing to be embarrassed about now that eithan is offering to stand beside him. even as the other's hand takes his own, fingers curling around fingers, his breath catches in his throat and he almost doesn't think he has the courage to muster his next words.
but when he finally speaks up, his voice is barely more than a whisper. ) There's not gonna be anything to talk about. I can fix this. ( and to his shadow: ) You say you know me, that you know everything about me – I don't know how you do, but you're not me. I'd never … I'd never think that way about him. I don't have the right.
( darren's shadow nods, as if it had been expecting this, and it begins to shift. to change form, though it isn't as drastic as it could be. in seconds it will no longer serve as a mirror-image of himself, but boast the visage of the one that had left him behind; that tall frame, dark, reddish hair that has always seemed too long just for the fact that his brother had always hated getting it cut, dark green eyes that never looked kind, even if the boy was smiling.
damon now stands before him, and in a second one arm is lashing out and curling fingers around darren's throat, the grin the shadow had once been wearing turned into a sneer. )
Oh, but I am. ( and those fingers begin to squeeze. )
no subject
He doesn't have time to think on it much more, let alone react, before it shifts - and it grabs Darren. Anything Eithan could have said dies on the back of his tongue.]
Darren!!
[He's stuck. He has no idea what to do from here - if he attacks the shadow, will it hurt Darren, too? Does it matter if the thing's intent on killing him anyway?
Instinct kicks in, like a switch in his mind that shuts the rest of him down and brings forward something he never thought he'd have to use until faced with the Order: a single-minded intent. He only has one priority, and that is to get Darren to safety. And that means prying him away from this thing - if he can. His eyes narrow, and a growl sounds from somewhere deep in his chest, demonic in nature, like fuel for a fire.
He has no staff, so the blunt-object-to-the-head option is out. He mutters a quick spell under his breath, detonates an explosion at the creature's arm, hoping to force it to drop him.]